Updates, Revelations, and Changes

It has been a few weeks since I last posted on my yeast-free/dieting or other weight loss endeavours. I'm a little exhausted with the whole thing. No, I haven't completely given up or made many seriously unhealthy choices. I'm just craving more variety to my meals. I think the doubt began to stir a little this weekend.

I went on a mini-vacay to OC, MD. During which I gave myself full permission to enjoy any food (sugared, dairy, or not) I desired. It started off well enough with typical beach and boardwalk foods (hot dogs, mozzarella sticks, cheese fries, pizza, crab cakes, some drank, lemonade, coca-cola :), taffy, and a tub of caramel corn). I thoroughly enjoyed it all and left with no regrets. But then I came home late Sunday and felt horrible. It was on a strange level too. I had pardoned all my food choices mentally, but I had not expected so much backlash from my body physically. I wasn't sick to my stomach but my body did not feel happy.

I resumed healthy eating Monday but it was a slow recovery. And I had a small relapse Tuesday night when a friend suggested we check out a new Caribbean Vegan restaurant. I had BBQ 'ribs' cabbage and mac n' 'cheese'. I don't know if it was the sugar laden homemade BBQ sauce or the mac pasta but I felt my body in revolt again. It also didn't help that later that night when in an uncomfortable conversation I reached for a few pieces chocolate and too many kettle chips. I wasn't even sure why I did that. It was like I thought 'well I feel like crap already so a little more junk can't hurt at this point.' Oh but it did. The best way to describe this type of "sickness" is exhausted, dizzy, feverish, unfocused, and not good. I couldn't wait to hit the sack so that I could feel like the reset button was pressed the next morning.

So, this week's episode has proven that my current 'healthy' regiment is good for me and thus bad choices are poison and to be avoided at all costs, right? Not really. Remember, up above I was trying to explain how my doubt has begun to stir?... So, really this week has taught me that maybe I should slowly start incorporating "normal" foods into my diet within reason. For instance, a serving of brown rice, wheat bread, or whole grain pasta a few times a week. Now, I know for fact that dairy negatively affects my digestion; so maybe I will continue to strictly avoid (but not completely rule out) milk products like yogurt, cheese, and cream. And to be honest, I have found perfectly satisfying non-dairy replacements for all of these things anyways. This way, I will not be completely thrown off my sanity every time I indulge.

I think it is most important that I keep in mind that every body is unique in their needs and what makes them feel best. And just because a certain lifestyle appears helpful at first doesn't mean that I have to prescribe rigidly to that set of rules forever. I should be open to some healthy tweaks and variations where my body deems necessary (note to self: 'necessary' does not include late night milk chocolate and chips binges every night, no fun at all).

I guess this post is steering my usual ramblings into the land of dietary advice. But really it's about food discovery for myself. It's very hard to prescribe what will work for others when you can only attempt to understand what works for you and your own well being. (Ooo, deep) Maybe I will work on reflecting on foods that make me feel well, balanced, and sound of mind. It's starting to sound all holistic and hippie-dippie, but what is so wrong with taking the time to shut-up your thoughts and emotions to better hear what your body is saying. Meh, it's worth a try.

Welcome Back Oatmeal!

So after a solid month of more or less abstaining from the white stuff (sugar, pasta, rice, bread, and oatmeal) today is the day I finally can consciously incorporate oatmeal, sweet potatoes, and brown rice back into my diet. I decided to start with my most favorite and sorrowly missed breakfast option: Oatmeal. And not just any oatmeal, oh no!

Over the last month I have visited several health blogs that suggest different approaches to preparing oatmeal. Before this day I only knew of plain instant with my own toppings (usually copius amounts of cinnamon and splenda) added. Today, my first day reacquainted with my lost love, I dabbled with the method known as overnight oats.

I always knew "old fashioned oats" were better for me than instant packets; and steel cut oats were superior to both of those. Although, I never tried either healthier option for fear that they would make for messy preparation. Well, the bloggersphere answered my aversion to cleaning pots extra work with the overnight oats procedure. Simply soak old fashioned oats in milk (I guess, roughly 1:1 proportions) and allow to soak overnight in the fridge. Easy peasy, right? Yes. And in the morning I was greeted with a creamy bowl of oats. Although, I admit, I did have to chew a bit more than instant; but who cares? I guess I could have added more milk and microwaved them a bit to make them resemble instant. But I thought it was kind of neat that I was eating a bowl of oatmeal sans actual cooking. And it was delicious.

My toppings this morning: Half scoop of Jay Robb vanilla, a splash more of almond milk, packet of truvia, and tons of cinnamon (mmmm).

Maybe for my next attempt I will add cocoa powder or peanut butter and heat it up to make a warm fudgy oatmeal...Possibilities.

Phase One -> Two

Anybody who has ever embarked on a quest for healthier eating habits can attest that the world is not a friendly place. At least not if you don't plan to get along with it.

From day one of embarking to eat dairy free, grain free, sugar free, fruit free, and starchy veggies free I was met with resistance from every angle. Day one, a coworker brought a bag of bagels and cream cheese (all contraband in my new life style) and it was torture to see the uneaten remnants trashed a few days later. Perhaps those were the bagels I would have eaten in a regular ole week.

Secondly, there is an extremely decadent and hip food truck (as gourmet as a truck can get) that I recently found prior to starting these lifestyle changes. I've tried their Sliders with Bacon Bling, a "new york" style falafel in pita, and a Chai Brownie (not all at once, of course) from them. There were so many more things that I wanted to try. Like say for instance the mac n' cheese cone, a red velvet waffle, or a fish taco. But now those aspirations shall have to wait, until labor day, ie final oppurtunity for swimwear. Until then, I find myself trekking with coworkers to this forbidden truck every Thursday this Spring that they inadvertently "forget" their lunches, RIGHT! But I'm just a spectator, I swear!

Lastly, and more recently (This past Memorial weekend Sunday evening), I attended a wedding with a catered buffet. I was really hoping it would be a buffet so that I could exercise freedom of choice. And although, there weren't many choices for my lifestyle, I did find three things extremely satisfying and therefore gorgeworthy in the merriment. Fresh strawberries, mushroom caps with italian sausage, and Grilled Beef Fillet with Chimichurri Sauce (Oil, vinegar, and other spices). Okay, so I probably overdid the Fillet because a) I was hungry b) Two vodka sodas reduced my inhibitions or c)It was ridiculously good. Answer: All of the above. I will consider this a minor oversight thusly corrected with complete abstention from the dessert, cupcakes. Yea, I did it! [Takes bow] -_-

I'm trying my best with this lifestyle swap, but it gets increasingly more difficult on the weekend blowouts with family and friends. Because I want to relieve my conscience I will leave you with a short list of my indiscretions so far in phase two.

1.I had a beer pre-Hangover II opening night. Self Explanatory.
2.I had a little pineapple at the wedding. I forgot they were amoung the no-no high sugar fruits.
3. I had one fruity concoction signature drink at the wedding. It was brought to me and I couldn't say "no I'll be having none of your delicious drink" and it was :)
4. There were empanadas on the fruit table, yea still talking wedding, I took one, broke it open, ate the meat inside, and just took a tiny sample of the shell, just to see what it was like ;-)
5. At a special lunch this weekend my salad had bleu cheese and fried onion straws. I did my best to avoid them, but, you know...it is what it is
6. Soy milk is just so often more convenient than other non-dairy options...

All in all, I am very proud with my ability to avoid the obvious villains: Bread, Pasta, Rice, and Sugary treats. It hasn't been easy but it's getting easier. And although I haven't officially tried any recipes yet, I have been receiving special inspiration from this blog. This young lady is not sugar free but she just has a way of making decadent (yes, DECADENT) desserts seem possible for the health conscious. Check it out!

Phase One

It's been two weeks since I wrote a blog post. Mainly because I had started writing all kinds of interesting (to me) stuff last-last week and blogger rudely hit some reset button which deleted all my saved drafts... What can I say? I discourage easily.

So here we are two weeks later and I have been doing some things differently. I took the suggestions of this blog pretty seriously, at least for the last two weeks. I have completed the two week no white stuff-no fruit phase. I can sum up my experience with this graph:

Now, the graph looks horrible in blogger. So I can sum it up by saying there is a light the end of the sugar craving roller coaster. Mainly, I have successfully resisted sheet cake and free sandwiches and I am all the more excited to add back some fruit this week. Fruit has now become my most indulgent friend.

Although, I have come out of phase 1 fairly successful, I did have a couple flubs. Here are my confessions:

1. I have been drinking coffee mainly with almond milk, and occasionally (when almond was not an option) with soy milk. I think soy products are no-no's, so oops.

2. There was one instance when I had depleted my truvia stash and settled for a little splenda, only once, it was necessary.

3. Peppers are fruits. But I ate them frequently anyways. Dipping them raw in hummus and salsa or chopped in omelets.

4. I wasn't supposed to eat fruit until today. But I was feeling deprived Friday night and ate my first ever Larabar (peanut butter cookie). And it was surprisingly better than I could have imagined. I expected a dry mash of nuts but I received a moist nutty brownie. Nom.

5. I was having a particularly low Sunday evening in yesterday. So, in order to not hurl myself on a box of cookies I opted to make a super light pumpkin pudding with Libby's pumpkin, almond milk, cinnamon and **gasp** a packet of Jello's sugar free vanilla pudding mix. Yea, I know aspartame is another no-no, but it did it's job lowering me off the sugar ledge.

6. Once or twice thrice I ate processed deli meat, pepperoni, or jerky. For the record their sugar counts were resoundingly nil and I reasoned that having passed up sheet cakes and bagels (from eagerly distributing members) I perhaps earned the right to some kind of flavorful indulgence (within a semblance of the rules).

I think those are all my missteps for phase one.

Now on to phase two, where I will continue to avoid the white stuff and add back some choice fruits to keep me sane.

LOL

This made me laugh!

I don't know what else to say about this. It's just funny to me, that is all.

The Live-It Diet

Upon blog surfing (compulsive jumping from blog to blog depending on who has an interesting blog title or shoutout) I came across the Live-it Diet. I was drawn, by the brave blogger's before and after shots, to investigate further. Now, this blogger's before was not too bad. Maybe she had 10-15 more lbs to lose to feel completely jiggleless. And that's really not alot of jiggle to begin with. So anyways, I started feeling hopeful and reading on because, you know, I have like 15-20 I'd love to say good-bye to (but not enough to stop eating awesome food). So upon dissecting the "plan" I began to think this sounds so simple, why haven't I tried this before? Maybe because the "plan" requires you abstain from dairy, sugar, bread, baked goods, pasta, and potatoes. Well that rules out nearly everything I eat.

Wow, that's like rewiring my entire go-to grocery list (milk, bread, cheese, yogurt check check check check). This list has allowed me to eat week to week while maintaining a minimalist approach to actual meal planning. In other words it supports my laziness. So then I started wondering how hard this transition might actually be... I forsee two road blocks: 1) What do I do with the existing bread, sugar, and dairy that I already own? I hate to throw that stuff out because its wasteful but I can't keep it because it would be too easy to fall off the "plan" and 2) How can I function with friends and family without 1) offending any pushy chef-like types and 2) appearing to have a vain eating disorder. It all just sounds so daunting. Ideally, May 9th-29th would be the easiest in terms of JW being gone and needing a project to occupy my freetime. But what happens when I go visit SN (at her parentals' home with her broken leg and a dad who should open his own restaurant). I can already see the astonished and dismayed faces as I reject homemade fried rice and spring rolls. Ackkkkk. Those are the tough times I am never really prepared for.

In conclusion, the live-it diet blog post I found has given me alot to think about (in terms of how bread and dairy will likely be the death of me) but I'm just not sure if such a drastic approach is worth trying.

Wednesday Funk Schlump

This is a dreary, rainy Wednesday for which I wish my mood didn't match. But it does. So I will listen to The Beatles Pandora station all day and try to quash any particularly low Wednesday thoughts. Not even the offer of Indian food could pick me out of this schlump :(

Funky Schlump oddly reminds me of Shake you wanny fanny funky song! Nobody else watched that episode of Sabrina?

You are welcome

Self Deprecation

See that there!


Do you see that roll of paper on my desk right now? That's a chocolate covered french crueller. Actually, its one of my favorite donuts (due to its half baked doughy center...yummmm). Anyways, I dub thee yonder post self deprecation due to the shame that has lead me to this wrapped confection on my desk. You see, today, my office had a box of donuts (12) for about 6 people. Most of which would never dare eat more than one. Can you see the conundrum. I floated into the office today on a cloud of sparkly fairytale dust after watching the royale wedding way too late for work. Greeted by the box of donuts and on a spectacular high I partook of two (neither of which were crullers, because there were none in there at the time, or so I thought) donuts. Come 3:30pm and there are still two donuts staring back at me in said box. Clearly, my favorite donut must have been hiding at the bottom of this deep box of awesomeness because now I see what was not visible before. I decided that in lieu of my donut heavy breakfast I should pack it for later. And here we find my shame laden donut for later.

But don't worry, I don't beat myself up AFTER eating awesomeness (that's just a cruel waste). I just do it up until the moment I get to experience the culinary awesomeness. Please don't be confused by my GBLA. It was the bread's fault not mine!

Sorry I cannot proofread or spell check this confession because it is time to close up shop.

Thank you for listening.

GBLA - GOOD Bread Lovers Annonymous

Hi, my name is Minoo, and I'm addicted to good bread. Yes, I said GOOD bread. I can't buy any type of GOOD bread because it is guaranteed that I will eat it at an unnatural pace.

Let me demonstrate the power GOOD bread has over me.

This past Sunday I did my groceries with a standard list. (Milk, Eggs, Meat, Yogurt, Cheese, etc Bread) As I perused the bread aisle something possessed me to stand head-on with and stare at GOOD bread. In the past I have made a general practice of walking past GOOD bread straight to MEH bread. I usually buy MEH bread because its healthier and its mediocre flavor (and texture) limit its usage to sandwiches ONLY because that's the only way MEH bread can be deemed acceptable. Oh, and also, in this fashion MEH bread can last (as a meal option in my fridge) for up to 2 weeks. But Sunday, I had the misfortune of forgetting the "game plan" and gazed too long upon GOOD bread. I didn't stand a chance.

And neither did the GOOD bread in my fridge. It was gone in three days compared to the 14 days MEH bread lasts. Sorry love-handles, I have failed you with my poor decision making on that fateful Sunday.

Due to my addiction to GOOD bread I was forced to make a midweek grocery run for a new bag of bread, MEH bread of course. And now I am in a self imposed GBLA state until my next encounter with the enemy. But damn, why are things that are so good usually so bad for you?

Whooped Behind

Yes, Bikram whooped my behind Monday night. It was very humbling given that I had missed a week of yoga and thought I would be greeted with a superman feeling (you know, having rested and all). It was so bad I talked myself off the ledge (that is a psychological ledge leading to just giving up and leaving the torture chamber early) SEVERAL times before it was over. Well, Bikram sure as hell told me! (*arm wave* mmmm hmmm)

I'll drag my behind back tomorrow, as the shame has almost subsided.

Cheese!

Okay, now I know I can't be the only one on the planet who abstained from cheesecake for my first two decades of life because cheese and cake sound weird and therefore together must taste weird. But I decided to give it a chance in my twenties because apparently not liking cheesecake is perceived as weird by the greater population. Whatever. So, I planned to give it a try one day, probably in the company of cheesecake loving coworkers, because it couldn't be that bad if so many people are crazy for it. And it wasn't, it was pretty damn delicious, so I scratched it off the list of foods that I mentally set myself up to dislike (sorry raw tomatoes and cantalope).

This week I encountered another fateful food item off of my subconciously banned food list. Cottage cheese. Now, there must be an even bigger population of folks that can agree that cottage cheese sounds weird and therefore is weird, right? Probably. So, when I found out that a relative was praising the stuff I was perplexed to say the least. I knew cottage cheese is somehow related to weightloss. My thought on that: I will never want to lose weight THAT BAD! So anyways, the power of a family testimonial overcame my aversion to foods that (in my mind) innapropriately incorporate "cheese". My (low) expectations were that it would be like lumpy yogurt. Long story short, its just a bland crumbled cheese (yes, the lumpiness is the consistency of actual cheese that actually requires chewing, unlike yogurt) similar to maybe soft mexican cheese (no not shredded cheddar blends used on tacos) blocks sold in packages of 3. But with even less flavor, not even a sour yogurty taste. So my findings are that cottage cheese is not repulsive nor is it delicious. It's just sort of a blank slate that requires modification to suit the tastes of the diner, muuuuuch like tofu (actually almost exactly like tofu, minus the veggies add dairy).

I bought a 4-pack of Breakstone's Lowfat with mango. They are some tiny containers (4 oz!) with a teensy bit of mango. I thought it would be like mango yogurt but it was more like mango cheese (yucky sounding I know). It wasn't too bad, but I think I will experiment with more salty combinations after I finish this 4-pack. Oh, and I know why it is recommended for weightloss. That itty bitty serving kept me full for nearly 3 hours yesterday afternoon. Which is a tremendous feat for the hours usually designated for snack-binges. For a perpetual snacker it was almost a miracle :)

**Update**

Breakstone's Cottage Doubles Apple Cinnamon is disgustingly good. That is all.

Spring Fever

I went through some major spring fever last week. I abandoned all normal routine, abstained from indoor activities (like yoga), and tried to enjoy the week with someone special. Now that my fever has subsided, back to normally scheduled programming. So tonight, yoga; a week too late to start the group challenges. But oh well, spring inspires me to not sweat ( haha bikram-pun intended) the lost time and go forth with my own personal challenge. I'm thinking 5 days a week as I still need some time to take advantage of this season.

Another photo demonstrating my obsessiveness with spring flowers. Also see this.

Spring is in the Air

Okay, so what if it has been "Spring" since Mar 20ish, I didn't start REALLY feeling it until April 8ish, and now I have completed the Spring Welcoming ritual that I clamour to do every year: enjoy some seasonal flower trees.

Yesterday, started like any other day, with work and dinner plans. I showed up to my dinner a full 30 minutes early and had the fortune of stumbling on the best Spring Welcoming setup imaginable. It was warm out (70s), sunny (but not stiflingly humid), and there was a breeze enhancing the setup. Yet my ritual wouldn't have been complete without sitting under one of these...

Which, I did while reading a book and simulteneously going camera-happy.

And later, after dinner....

Swoon :)

Catchup on Goals

Last week went pretty well. Yoga'ed 3 times, ran 2 miles at the gym Sat. morning and spent some long overdue time with friends and family. And yes, Saturday night into Sunday morning consisted of a mess of comfort food (pizza, cupcakes, chocolate, cheese) at Gma's house. And I enjoyed it, no regrets. Back on track this week with eating well, purchasing less, and yoga. 30 and 60 day challenges starting Sunday at the yoga studio. I signed my name on the sticker chart, but I have no idea what I intend to accomplish with that. I'll decide next Monday.

On a completely unrelated note, thank you Spring for finally joining us this last week. All I need to make this transition complete is to visit GTCC and get the April special Thin Mint cupcake with one of my favorite people. :-)

Resolutions Day 2: Success

I accomplished all my goals for one day Tuesday. I ate right, purchased no outside food, and went to yoga yesterday. It felt so good that I forgot why I avoided it for 2 weeks. I thought I would be disappointed by my lack of flexibility and strength, but impressively it was a lot like riding a bike. I almost picked up where I had left off, and now I'm motivated to return tonight. I have a feeling the rest of this week is going to coast easily and the real trial will be this weekend... Where there's family there's opportunities to eat recklessly. We all know how this works. I just have to figure out how to avoid the danger...hmmm

Shaky Start

Not doing so well with my 2nd quarter resolutions. I kept intending to go to yoga, I really did, but my friend really wanted Chipotle and I haven't gone anywhere with her in over a month. So, Chipotle won this time. But not really because they only charged me for one of the two meals I intended on purchasing. I stood there signaling and waiting for her to ring up the other meal in my bag but the woman looked so preoccupied with other things and appeared to be intentionally avoiding eye contact with me, so I forwent paying for the second meal. So I kinda won, no? I would feel bad, but I cannot count the number of times they charged me for unordered extra meat or guac on a veggie bowl! So, the score is even.

Tonight, take two of trying to get to yoga.

Review of 2nd Quarter Resolutions (week one)

This weekend was to be my preparation weekend for the second quarter resolutions. It went decently in terms of food.

1. Attempt to purchase outside food once a week: Fail, I treated my family to Panera.

2. Limit lattes to weekends only. Ok, this weekend I had, one latte, one iced caramel machiatto, and one skim coffee frap. Meh. It was the weekend. And I'm happy to report that I have prepared my own coffee this morning, twice. I may have a problem...

3. Buy groceries each week with a plan for meal options. Well, technically I went to Target and bought instant oatmeal, 5 lean cuisines, and 5 packets of tuna.

4. Go home and cook said groceries into several meals. See 3.

5. Arrange said meals for convenient access throughout the week. See 3.

6. Eat aforementioned meals daily. Ok I will.

So not too shabby of a preparation weekend, aside from the familial splurge. As far as activity, I'll be at yoga tonight. And if the weather hold up I'll have some runs this weekend.

2nd Quarter Resolutions

In response to my recent cry for help (see Descension) I have decided that April 1st would make a fitting day to propose some 2nd quarter resolutions to myself. I really didn't have any concrete resolutions for the first quarter (Jan 1-Mar 31) of the year. Perhaps it was, to do my best. Which, I believe I generally accomplished minus roughly the past two weeks. Okay, so now its time to refocus on the things that make me feel like a well-functioning pseudo-adult.

Food
1. Attempt to purchase outside food once a week, unless someone else is paying :)
2. Limit lattes to weekends only. The workplace coffee shop is geared towards doctors and it ain't cheap.
3. Buy groceries each week with a plan for meal options.
4. Go home and cook said groceries into several meals.
5. Arrange said meals for convenient access throughout the week.
6. Eat aforementioned meals daily. You'd be surprised how hard this can be on some lazy slash overwhelming days.

Activity
1. Go to yoga every day. AKA...drink lots of water, eat healthy, maintain clean workout clothes, and drive to yoga studio everyday. It amazes me how when one of these fails this whole goal fails.
2. Dust off the running shoes with warmer weather.

Is that really all? It doesn't look so bad in one post. I will use this weekend to prepare/organize and strive for full participation by Monday (because Mondays are the best to start stuff).

Descension

It has been brought to my attention by a well-meaning observer that I have lost touch with much of my usual routine. Yes, I can admit that I haven't used my kitchen in over two weeks; nor have I performed a proper grocery store visit since St. Patty's Day. Ok, and so I haven't been to yoga since 3/21 and I've eaten frozen meals and outside food more than I can count. Hey, it happens. We all go through cycles in our seasons where we are on a roll with many good habits and then slowly they start to fall away until you realize that you've had CPK frozen pizzas on 3 occasions this week and have purchased nearly a latte a day for the past 7-14 days, right?. This decline in healthy habits happens so subtly that you barely notice any change at all. Today, however, the jig is up, because a third party observer has recognized my downward spiral,crap, and I guess I can appreciate the wake up call. It has been getting a little scary. I need a fresh post to remedy this situation, asap.

Shouting in my head

I work in an educational setting. As such, I take school provided shuttles to and from work everyday. The majority of the shuttle population are undergrads, as in, annoying to listen to. For which reason I practice tuning them out every day. But have you ever unintentionally eavesdropped on a conversation just because it was so disturbing. I encountered one such conversation yesterday afternoon. There were 3 girls chatting in front of me on the shuttle and it was immediately apparent which roles they each played. The first girl can be called Yeah-chick, she said yeah to almost all the points made by the second girl. We can call the second girl Jealous-psycho because everything she said in the end made her seem like a jealous instigator. And the last character was Meekone, because she remained sweet and soft spoken in spite of Jealous-psycho. This is approximately the general discussion that ensued on this bus ride.

Yeah-chick: Yeah so what are your plans for next year Meekone.

Meekone: Well, I'm transferring pre-med schools so I'll be moving to That City this summer and-

Jealous-Psycho: That City!? I'm from That City, my mom still owns a complex there. I love That City, I can't wait to get back.

Yeah-chick: Yeah

Meekone: This summer I plan to get my license, my parents are giving me a car and I will keep it with me in That City.

Jealous-Psycho: What are you crazy? There is no place to put a car in That City. I should know, my mom owns a complex and she charges an "arm and leg" to store her residents' cars.

Yeah-chick: Yeah

Meekone: Well, I know it will be difficult but I think the convenience of getting around greatly outweighs the costs for me.

Jealous-Psycho: It's going to be really hard to pay for! Are you trying to get around the city or are you going to use it just to visit home? Because its not worth it in the city, there's no place to park! And airfare once in a while is cheaper. Plus, where are you planning to live?

Yeah-chick: Yeah!

Meekone: Oh, well, I've been in contact with Apartments R' Us. They are working with me to find an apartment that has utilities included and a garage. Because, you know, I don't want to be overwhelmed with such things while studying.

Jealous-Psycho: You are gonna WHAT!? Yeah-chick, are you hearing this, Meekone is actually considering using A.R.U. to settle down in That City! That's insane. You can find a perfectly acceptable place on your own and save a few bucks. And listen, Meekone, I want to tell you this from the bottom of my heart, one day you are going to be a doctor. I mean it, one day you are going to be someones doctor. Don't you think it's time to learn to pay utility bills?

Seriously, Jealous-psycho actually kept repeating the last two sentences (LOUDLY) as if it was the most clever thing she had ever come up with. As she was a public policy major, it may as well have been. But seriously, what gave her the right to berate and criticize every well-meaning decision Meekone was making? Why did she have to assume money was an issue? Hell, Meekone's parents might be loaded and providing the goods, Jealous-psycho much?

Like I said, I hate listening to undergrads. But in this one instance, upon hearing "seriously, you are going to be someones doctor one day" too many times, I had to put my phone away and stank-eye-glare at this Jealous-psycho in disgust.

Crazy Talk

This morning on the Kane Show they were discussing talking to oneself. As in, telling yourself things, not thinking in your head, actually speaking aloud. Apparently many people find it therapeutic or helpful in decision making. I can't say that I identify with any of these aspects except for maybe one, mentioned by a listener calling in, rehearsal. Yes, like practicing what I'm going to say. Particularly, when faced with a difficult discussion. I thought it was funny that the caller referenced rehearsing a break-up speech, complete with imaginary inquiries from the hypothetical victim and pre-planned retorts to such responses. Genius, unless the victim is far more expressive than originally anticipated during rehearsal. Anyways, I've found myself having these imaginary discussions particularly when driving to an interview. Usually I imagine the trickier questions like "How would you get your livestock across the river?" and "What can you contribute to our company?" You know the stuff that makes your pulse quicken and face flush if you've never considered the answers before. I make it my mission during that car ride to think of the most off-the-wall-intimidating questions possible. Of course, usually the interview questions are generic and uninspiring so I find myself at ease that they haven't asked what inanimate object I would eat to get this job. Phew! Other than interview prep I prefer to have my many-many conversations with myself in my head. Otherwise it would look like crazy talk cause let me tell you my inner dialogue is almost always shouting about something.

Why is it so cold out?

I'm so tired of hearing weather reports for this week in the 40s with possible sleet. Are we not entering April this week? I hope this isn't one of those years where we go from coats to sweat-stains in one fell swoop. Those years ruin spring fever and are not fair. We don't get to enjoy the transition of wearing light longsleeved shirts, capris, or trench coats. I prefer when Spring is a season actually defined by its mild weather (59-69.5 degrees, low humidity, and very occasional showers). I fear we may again be robbed of this occasion again this year. Boooo Fatherwinter and Summerlady for being such attention seekers. Not to mention boo to them for probably ruining the odds of seeing any Cherry Blossoms in the nations capital this weekend. They bloomed last Tuesday and our craptastic weather this week will likely make it so that I miss their awesomeness, again. When I went last year all that was to be seen in that vicinity consisted of Manga crazed-slash-costumed crowd making ornaments, purchasing swords, and eating pocky. And while this mass display of people made for a creatively disturbing drag show, this was not what I traveled into the city for. Ughhh! I want to see the blossoms!!

Beware of these next year!

There's a candy bowl in my office that I have mentally blocked from vision for fear that I might empty its entire contents on impulse. Today, one such impulse came over me as I noticed the silver wrappings of three musketeer minis in said bowl. I resolved to eat just one and upon closer inspection I found that these candies were cherry and dark chocolate flavored for Valentine's day. Obviously, we are well into March so these candies were someone's discarded leftovers from last month. I generally dislike fruit flavored chocolates (excepting Ghirardelli Raspberry squares) but against my better judgement I tried one anyways. I don't know how I expected it to taste but I finally understood why they had remained untouched since Valentine's Day. It was reminiscent of the nastier cherry flavored children's medications of the 90s (I've heard that they've since improved these medicinal flavors). Its like the pharmaceutical companies discarded their bad recipes and Mars found them and thought chocolate could fix them. It was that bad, I think you understand my point. If not, surely you'll understand this illustration. I actually had to eat a tootsie roll to cleanse my palette...who even likes tootsie rolls?! Now that we are on the same page, please study this picture to know what to avoid next February 14th.


Don't be fooled by the silver wrapper!

Iphone clock sucks!

So all my efforts to fix my iphone clock last week failed. Miraculously my alarms worked fine over the weekend. But then as soon as timeliness became important (ie because of work) my alarms reverted to their one hour too early syndrome. I actually set a real old school alarm clock last night. And of course I slept a full extra hour through the monotonous drone of my morning radio alarm... With plan A (manual fixes) and B (traditional radio-alarm clock) failing, I have now resorted to outside help. No, I refuse to call AT&T support, they always say the same thing, to "update your operating system with itunes." Do they have any idea how long that process takes. Okay, you can leave your phone plugged in for an hour or more, but what if you receive a call or need to check something. I can't be restricted from access to my phone for more than 30 minutes! So, in comes plan C, a third party alarm clock app. I choose Alarm Clock Pro because it cost .99 cents. There were free ones, but somehow I rationalized that one dollar somehow must secure the success of this plan. Wish me luck!

Plan B (shown above) failed.

It's time to live life late!

Last night was like most weeknights. I yoga'ed, ate, showered, read, and Hulu'ed until sleep. Also unfortunately, last night I came to a mental crossroads, as I lay in my bed waiting for sleep, I realized that I had a lot of stuff to prepare before leaving for work tomorrow (lunch, laundry bag, dishes, generally organizing of weekend attire). I could go to sleep (because I was sooo ready to) or I could find an ounce of energy to leap up and attempt some of these chores now, to lessen the load for tomorrow morning. Ordinarily at this point I'd say screw it all and fall asleep; but last night was the exception. I popped up, put the 11:30p episode of HIMYM on and started all the tasks that would have no doubt made me late for work the next day. And I was on a roll, finishing everything, down to chopping the fruit for my morning salad :) My room was clean and everything was practically packed for the weekend and I lay in bed proud of my decision and waiting for the sleep to wash over me again. And it didn't. I tossed and turned looking for a semblance of the sleep I had felt earlier that night and, absolutely nada! WTH, its like the very acts of preparation and CHORES (!!) energized me. Well, never again, preparation is insulting, which is why I resolve to live late. I shared this revelation earlier with my friend who was like "What do you mean by live late? Like, wake late, stay up late?" No dear friend, I mean like living perpetually unprepared and therefore always running late. Because the one day I decide to be responsible is the day I can't sleep, unacceptable. I've learned my lesson.



I bet you are wondering how this night ends? No? Too bad. So I eventually lightly drift in and out of (incomplete) sleep all night until, my alarm goes off at 5AM. What the fudgecakes?! Oh yea, I forgot to inform you. Since daylight savings time hit on Sunday morning, my iPhone has been waking me at criminal hours of the morning. I don't understand the specifics of the issue and I've been on Apple forums all week trying to fix it in vain. But it appears as though my iPhone states the correct time, but the "internal clock" (in cahoots with the alarm clock) fell back an hour instead of springing forward. So instead of my iPhone alarm sounding at 7am or even 6am, it decides 5am would be more entertaining. So instead of losing an hour of sleep, I've lost 15 (3 hours/night x 5 days). So suffices to say my sleep all week has been interupted and crappy, help!




This will be me from now on...

Back to Bikram tonight!

I sort of fell off my Bikram roll this weekend. Tonight I will reprise that good habit from underneath a load of bad ones (naps, food, worries, food, naps). Needless to say anxiety has been winning this battle, until tonight!! :)

Time to drink my weight in water in preparation (boo, that was one of my many excuses last night for staying home) for tonight's yoga.

Disturbed

I watched almost a full episode of Skins on MTV last night and I am truly appalled. I had seen many controversial-looking commercials for this show and I never once found the hype compelling enough to tune in. Let's be honest I rarely tune in to even the shows I love when they air. I watch practically everything the day after on hulu. So, I never and still will never find Skins as Hulu worthy. But last night, sans Internet, I was left to entertain myself with cable and landed on MTV's Skins. While I'm sure their assessment on the frequency of sex and partying found in high school is probably near accurate for a small population of high school students somewhere, I was left to identify with the young teacher (because I'm 23 and all the high school actors look 12, unlike Glee). I'm not sure what her deal is but she appears messed up. She's supposedly 23 with no adult social life and interacts with her students as if she were their classmate. She has a pseudo intimate relationship with her student. Whoa way creepy and sad. That's all I got from the show and I will never again watch another episode because it was disturbing not entertaining, unlike Degrassi and Glee (judge me if you must).

What the hell was that?

What the hell was that downtown yesterday? I have never been so unsuccessful in navigating home. Looked like some St. Patty's Run blocked all my familiar streets home. Ugh! I know this is no excuse, but it completely frustrated and discouraged me from attending Bikram yesterday. Not to mention I was already on edge because of our lost hour of sleep Saturday night. Today, the crankiness continues and I am on my second cup of joe for the day.

Funk

Last night I watched the second to last episode of Glee season 1 regarding funk. The Glee team's rival plays cruel pranks that psyches them out and puts them in a funk before a competition, or something like that. Anyways, I was completely identifying with this theme of funk. I'm amidst one of my own and my funk is threefold, but I will only discuss 2 parts. One) I am in complete sympathy mode for my friend with the broken leg and I can't stop thinking about what this shocking development could be doing to her emotionally. Two) I am also finishing a novel about a twenty-something year old who is coping with the death of a parent and many other unfortunate events surrounding her transition into adulthood. I have sort of dragged myself into the world of this character and now I can see no way out but to finish the novel, tonight. This is why I hated summer reading lists from the 5th - 11th grades. They always contained some life lessons to teach us about survival and most often included death, doom, and gloom. Which I would avidly prefer to avoid in books. As I have the tendency to get wrapped up in the doom and live too vicariously through the afflicted characters' doom. Unfortunately, I let this novel slide past my radar. Third) Nope I don't want to talk about it, uh-uh no-way. Lets just say I have a lot on my mind.

Yoga tonight at 6, I may not be able to keep it together emotionally, but physically and mentally (forgetting everything exists) I plan to R.O.

Great my cover was blown...

My boss noticed my odd jittery erratic movements and I had to explain the effect of today's sugar OD. At least now they know not to buy a sugar laden death trap when my birthday comes around...

I should have known better...

This always happens to me. When I forget the consequences of a particular action and do something despite my nagging suspicion that it will end badly. Today's such misstep is eating sugar. These are the events that led to my demise. I decided to triple snooze this morning and in my late and hurried frenzy to get to work I forgot to pack my original quaker instant oatmeal packets for breakfast. Before I realized my error I was greeted this morning with a chocolate covered yellow cake meant for my boss' birthday. I knew sugar for breakfast was a bad idea, sugar for anything is usually a bad idea, especially for me. I know this because in a blitzkrieg of birthdays at my last job an overdose of sugary frosting left me jittery, twitchy, hyper, paranoid, anxious, and overall unpleasant. I ate the cake, knowing the risks and surprisingly felt no different than if I had eaten my originally planned and forgotten oatmeal. Maybe my tolerance for sugar has changed such that I can eating whatever I like? The day continued smoothly through lunch. And then, our office had a scheduled fun bonding activity. And it was. It was a three part charade contest including taboo, one word only taboo, and then a charades style finale. All great entertaining fun, with a fruit platter, soda, water, and COOKIES. I wasn't hungry so I resolved to touch nothing but the water and I drank 2 whole bottles throughout the process. A while later sitting at my desk I began to think about the cookies. I didn't even allow myself a second glance at the cookies so I wondered what flavors were there. I then decided to go find the leftover cookie platter, just, you know to scope it out. I then decided to have only one cookie, only chocolate chip, if it existed. I found the platter nearly untouched and observed a lot of oatmeal raisin, ewww. And then I saw some containing toffee and, is that?, CHOCOLATE CHIPS! I don't even know if I've ever seen such a great combination of cookie before, so I took 2. And ate them in 5, no, 2 minutes. Damnit. I had a plan! It is at this moment that I write this that I am recalling my fears from earlier this morning, as they come to fruition. DAMNIT. I have officially O.D.ed on sugar today and now want to run in circles and curse the day toffee chocolate chip existed. I hope tonight's Bikram class winds me down and combats this evil I have knowingly invited into my bloodstream.

Here's some math, 2 water bottle + 2 cookies = X

I wish the answer were zero, in which they would cancel each other out and I could relax at this very moment. But the answer is more likely: S.O.L. Bitch! I know sugar makes no sense, not like math.

It must be said...

It must be said. I'm overwhelmed with concern for my friend.

That is my random net outburst of the day. That is all.

Last night I dreamed....

Last night I had some very disturbing scenes in my dream. I was home, well not my current apartment, or even my parent's home. It was my childhood townhouse. I will try to relay the events of my dream as accurately as possible.

First, I was laying in bed and my iPhone alerted me to something. It was adding a weather emergency app on its own. I didn't prompt it to download that app, but I reasoned that maybe something so pivotal was occurring the the government sanctioned some automatic download of an emergency app to all smartphones. All very unlikely in reality, but maybe this was a future cast dream.

Anyways, when the app downloaded, I checked it to see a message like: Weather emergency warning for the following areas...St. Mary's county, Prince Georges county, MONTGOMERY COUNTY (like that, all CAPS in my dream).... The emergency called for violent storms with tornado potential. In my house was my Mom, Dad, Sister, and some other female relative with her son (probably from my dad's side, maybe even straight from El Salvador because I don't think they spoke English). But I have no idea who they were. At first I was all panicky and wanted my family to sleep in the basement. But my family suggested that the tornado was unlikely. So I looked outside and saw some curvy thin funnels moving unpredictably and snow (it was also a blizzard) in the distance. We then went to a room in the middle of the house, because my dad suggested it was safest to lie in a bathtub. I'm not even sure why there was a bathtub in the middle of this half-constructed room/how could we all even begin to fit into a tub together. Then I took another peak at my new Emergency App and realized that MONTGOMERY was in all caps, as if to suggest we were in greater danger. I took another look outside and the funnels were getting closer to my house and the snow was thicker. So I somehow convinced everyone that we should be in the basement away from windows. Everyone followed and my last memories were of rapid whirling debris and snow from the little high set basement windows. At some point I thought my house had been picked up from the ground and I was figuring out the best way to brace for impact when...a loud noise woke me up (forreal). I looked out my door and saw the lock chain swinging. My cousin had just left for her 8:30 am exam. Phew, just a dream. A scary death defying dream, I hate those.

One man down

http://minoosyoga.blogspot.com/2011/03/home-stretch-with-company-and-sniffly.html



So, remember my amazing friend from the above posting. Yesterday afternoon her amazing abilities were in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was slide tackled in a soccer class and it caused her fibula/tibia to endure a displaced comminuted fracture (basically she needs surgery to put the pieces together and I love to google medical terms). WTF? Since when do we play competitively in P.E.? And furthermore, since when is slide tackling legal, recreationally or competitively? I don't even want to get into the brilliant teacher decision that decided to play a "friendly" game of boys vs. girls. But I will. There are several reasons why in hindsight this was the wrong type of game for even a friendly P.E. game. (My outraged coworker pointed most of these out to me) 1. Boys are naturally bigger and stronger than girls. I know we hate to admit it, but they just are genetically engineered to be as such. 2. Boys and girls approach casual sports differently. Girls can play a recreational sport just for the love of the game and to feel active regardless of the score. On the other hand boys cannot engage in a sports game without some unreasonable sense of competition. Even when they are playing a casual pick-up game in the park, their manhood (which they are competing to maintain) is ALWAYS on the line. And 3. Boys do not know when to quit. Have you ever watched guys engage in a sport. Regardless of the sport, its like man to man combat and they go all out until someone is made to shrink back. I guess when they play a sport (whether girls are included or not) this can be a hard switch to turn off. I hope this gym teacher eliminates this game setup from his future teaching outlines.



Ugh, I miss my friend now. She will likely be under supervision of her parents for a few weeks which means me, home, with no dinner date lol. I hope she has a smooth and speedy recovery. Also, my faith is a little shaken today. My injured friend is one of the sturdiest, most athletic people I know. If she could get so wrecked from a rec game, what hope is there for us mere mortals to remain injury-free? I guess I will stick to non-contact activities like yoga and jogging.

Negative thoughts from Wednesday

I always have sneaking suspicions on days when I am excited to do something that something will get in the way. Wednesday was the final day of the Bikram challenge and on the bus ride home before class my mind sort of seized up with several scenarios that could interfere with my intentions. I had a little cold but decided to not let it stop me. I imagined approaching my car to depart for class and finding my tire flat or a window busted in (not uncommon in my neighborhood). Then my thoughts turned to scarier events. I thought what if I get into a car crash or someone dies or my car is stolen... When I exited the bus to walk home my head was spinning with thoughts of demise and I realized that I might be mugged on my walk home. I scrupulously examined every person I passed, every street corner I turned, and every car that was near (you never know when you may be the victim of a drive by and my dark jacket could mistake me for a gangsta chick...maybe not.) So, you get the idea. I was so intent on arriving to yoga in one piece that I imagined every possible scenario-hurdle so that I might avoid every possible scenario-hurdle. Is this crazy? Maybe. But its just something that happens to my mind when I get too excited for something. It may have started back in the 2nd or 3rd grade....

My class was gearing up for a field trip to the Kennedy Center. I didn't know what that was but the teacher sent a note home asking parents to dress us fancy for the occasion, so I knew we must be visiting some sort of castle. So, excited to go to a castle and potentially meet a princess I convinced my mom to let me wear my most special looking dress and shoes and I went to school floating on fantasies of the day to come. I noticed it was a particularly gloomy winter day with drizzle as I rode the school bus that morning. When I got to school I looked around for our field trip shuttle bus and saw none. Maybe they were late? As I entered class, the teacher was setting up a morning assignment...What? We never do work before a field trip. And that is when she popped my dream bubble of castles and princesses. The supposed rain was unsafe for the shuttle buses so our field trip was canceled. That doesn't sound right? Drizzle stops a bus...then I shouldn't have been able to ride the school bus in. Unless school buses are magically impervious to the treachery that drizzle poses for shuttle buses. Something wasn't right. But oh well, I know I was supremely disappointed, and I can't be sure, but I likely went on an assignment strike and refused to participate the rest of the day. But I vividly remember the dissapointing feeling of having my field trip being ripped away from my reality.

So, in conclusion. As a result of this disappointment I experienced in grade school, I now make a habit of imagining every possible rainy event that could cancel out my fun. Healthy? No. Therapeutic? Still no. What is the point? I'm not sure.

Its here!

Today is the last day of my first Bikram Yoga challenge and I thought I would be more excited. You know, given, this is probably the best thing I've done since finishing college and becoming pseudo (because my car is still in my dad's name) independent. But my cold symptoms from yesterday have exploded overnight. I slept horribly, my nose feels horrible, my breathing and hearing are horrible, this cannot be an indicator of tonight's class. This will be one of those classes where I enter with no expectations of greatness and just hope to stay balanced.

On top of the ill feelings, I am kind of sad that this is the last class of the challenge and my intro month. Now I have to take responsibility, pay for my classes and set my own personal goals. No longer will I have a sticker chart to display my progress and that of my fellow classmates. I need to figure out my own incentive model and personal expectations if I am to continue a regular yoga practice with Bikram. I hope it goes well from here.

Home Stretch with Company and Sniffly

I'm in the homestretch of my first 30 day Bikram Challenge. Tomorrow's 7pm class will mark my success in the challenge. Unfortunately, I have been feeling a little head cold hanging out in the back of my throat and nasal passages. Last night's intensely hot studio appeared to aggravate it further. But I made it through and ran home to drink chicken noodle and vitamin C. I pray that the symptoms remain at bay until Thursday's rest.

Last night at Bikram, I brought my roommate and it was nice to have someone to discuss class on the ride home. It was her second class and she is already pretty awesome at most of the postures. She has always been extremely athletic (soccer, b-ball, football), so I guess her fitness is just so well rounded that most postures come naturally to her. I want to be her when I grow up.

Good LMAO moment last night...
Bikram teacher to my friend:"Great job on that posture, despite being a Redskins fan."

I Can See the Finish!

So, I followed my better judgement and decided to skip Bikram Friday night. I replaced Bikram that night with a pasttime (I consider as necessary) that I seldom have time to partake in, gay clubbing with my friends. We had a great time and I heard too many renditions of Gaga's new song, Born this Way, including an entertaining drag show performing it. And no, I'm not gay, but I enjoy dancing freely and not feeling like a piece of raw meat in a pond of sharks (that is a reference to my Thursday night at a straight club). Yes, I went out two nights in a row, no, I didn't plan it, and yes, it probably won't happen again for a loooooong time. I never even did that in college.

Oh yes, the finish! So, after I recuperated from my outings I managed to attend Bikram Sat and Sun. Which means I am well on my way to finishing this challenge successful. I can't wait! On the flip side this means that my month-long intro membership is expiring Wednesday and I will have to start shoveling out big bucks to support this yoga habit. I keep trying to reason through this decision, but I'm pretty sure I'm signing up for atleast the month of March. I will reevaluate this fiscal decision on a monthy basis.

Should I go today?

Since starting Bikram last month I have sorta warped into a daily Bikram student.

A week after my week-long trial expired I found another Bikram studio near my house with a cheap month long intro and signed up on Janurary 31st. Lucky for me the studio was about to begin a 30 day challenge from February 1st to March 2nd. It is at that moment that I made a choice to attend atleast 6 classes a week. This would work out in my favor because the terms of the studio's challenge were that all who wished to qualify for prizes must complete atleast 25 practices in 30 days. This would be completely doable, and it has been so far. 25 days into the challenge and I have gone to Bikram 20 times. If I go Sat, Sun, Mon, Tue, Wed (March 2nd) I can achieve the goal. So I really don't need to go today. I'm not debating whether or not to go because of laziness or other plans. I legitimately made some mistakes today that would make Bikram detrimental to my body and potentially my classmates. Today for lunch my office took a field trip to an Indian Buffet downtown. I generally do not eat at buffets. They don't interest me because of the excessiveness and food containers exposed to other patrons. In particular for this month of Bikram I have made a point of eating very light, nutritous lunches, in order to facilitate a better evening practice. But today I was faced with an Indian Buffet. "Indian" in this case cancelled out all the preconceived notions I had of Buffets of the past because 1)I have never eaten Indian food, 2) I looove trying new foods, and 3) This place felt more like a restaurant than a buffet. So, I found absolutely no dilemna with gently sampling almost every dish on my first plate and returning to my favorite 3 out of 10 dishes on my second plate (with bread). I even finalied with a generous bowl of rice pudding, which absolutely blew my tastebuds' expectations out of the water. So as you can see, I spent the better part of the afternoon having too much fun eating and now I fear I cannot digest fast enough to confidently perform a Bikram routine this evening without jeopardizing my reputation for not throwing up in a Bikram class. I just feel it would be reckless for me to even attempt group exercise in these circumstances. I guess I have made up my mind. But I will finish this challenge strong (Sat - Wed).

My first experience with Bikram's torture

Last month, I attended my first Bikram class downtown on a week-long intro special. I went 3 times that week.

The first time I attended a Bikram class I approached it thinking "well I've done yoga many times before, so I should have no problem with this Bikram stuff." I was mistaken from the first breathing exercise. The synchronization of arms, head, breathing, AND my elbows are supposed to touch?! I hate multitasking choreography, that's why I do yoga! If the first breathing exercise was any indication of things to come I was in a for a complicated 87 more minutes. Luckily the rest of the standing series relatively reassembled other forms of yoga I've done. Even luckier that it was my first ever Bikram class and I took to heart the instructions to first timers; breathe (difficult) and stay in the room (more difficult), everything else is optional (phew! thank god). Let me add that I absolutely abhor excessive heat, summertime and otherwise. I tend to get irritable and cranky with prolonged exposure to humid heat. I have only had one experience that could compare with the environment of Bikram. It was the summer day I rode through Sixflags Safari with JW and we were instructed to keep our windows shut because we were surrounded by potentially dangerous animals. Did I mention it was summertime and our car had no AC? We were torn between driving faster (potentially hitting another species) to get out of the hell we created for ourselves and losing the experience of leisurely enjoying the sight of exotic animals in their "natural" habitat. We opted for the latter and I basically looked exactly like I had just come out of a Bikram class (angry).

Back to the yoga. I've never been one to give up during a physical challenge, so I can say that I actively made an attempt (however absolutely wrong) at every posture of the series.

I was duped.

The two minute savasana between standing and spine strengthening series tricked my yoga intuition. In all other yoga classes I've attended savasana generally means "almost over, relaxed stretching time, ie. no more challenges." But in Bikram the two minute savasana is more like "half-time" or really "third-time" because there is still lots of effort to put forth to finish strong. Uggggh, and then the 20 second savasana in between every posture had me thinking "Okay, this is it. You can't possibly have me relax for 20 more secs and then expect me to apply full effort again." But that is exactly what happened after every innumerable sit-up and muscle engaging stretch. So needless to say, the floor series had my mind boggled until the final savasana.

My first victory, and battle scars.

Coming out of my first Bikram class I felt a bit out of sorts. Like I had just been to battle with a flamethrower. My body was soaked, hair a mess, throat dry and kind of icky. I wanted to limit my movement as much as possible for fear that another muscle burn that day. When I got home I was convinced I had a fever and my throat continued to feel funny into the next day. I just kept trying to analyze my senses to figure out what virus I had caught in that humid germ breeding studio room. What I had caught- was a load of excuses. I didn't return the next day as they recommend ("for full benefits") because I made excuses about the practice making me sick.

Curiosity brought me back.

At some point during my first class I told myself "self, congrats for getting this far, if you can finish this class decently I promise, heck, I swear on iPhone that I will never think or suggest attempting this Bikram hellhole ever again." The weekend came and I fell into a monotony of lazy weekend activities. And then the thought hit me Sunday morning. "What if I went to just one more Bikram class? I mean, just to see what all the hoopla is about returning. They did say improvements would be noticeable after just one practice...hmmm" I went back to Bikram that afternoon as a personal experiment to dispel the claims that each class improves you. At least that's what I kept telling my self. The reality is there was another layer to my thought process that day. Part of me, after the ill sensations subsided, decided that my first Bikram class was fun, intriguing, challenging, and fun (oh god, why?). From then onward I approached each class with varied intentions depending on my feelings. Usually I resolved to just engage, not expect miracles and see where it gets me. Other days I set little goals of which directions to follow better (suck in stomach, weight on heels, come up more on the toes etc).