Shouting in my head

I work in an educational setting. As such, I take school provided shuttles to and from work everyday. The majority of the shuttle population are undergrads, as in, annoying to listen to. For which reason I practice tuning them out every day. But have you ever unintentionally eavesdropped on a conversation just because it was so disturbing. I encountered one such conversation yesterday afternoon. There were 3 girls chatting in front of me on the shuttle and it was immediately apparent which roles they each played. The first girl can be called Yeah-chick, she said yeah to almost all the points made by the second girl. We can call the second girl Jealous-psycho because everything she said in the end made her seem like a jealous instigator. And the last character was Meekone, because she remained sweet and soft spoken in spite of Jealous-psycho. This is approximately the general discussion that ensued on this bus ride.

Yeah-chick: Yeah so what are your plans for next year Meekone.

Meekone: Well, I'm transferring pre-med schools so I'll be moving to That City this summer and-

Jealous-Psycho: That City!? I'm from That City, my mom still owns a complex there. I love That City, I can't wait to get back.

Yeah-chick: Yeah

Meekone: This summer I plan to get my license, my parents are giving me a car and I will keep it with me in That City.

Jealous-Psycho: What are you crazy? There is no place to put a car in That City. I should know, my mom owns a complex and she charges an "arm and leg" to store her residents' cars.

Yeah-chick: Yeah

Meekone: Well, I know it will be difficult but I think the convenience of getting around greatly outweighs the costs for me.

Jealous-Psycho: It's going to be really hard to pay for! Are you trying to get around the city or are you going to use it just to visit home? Because its not worth it in the city, there's no place to park! And airfare once in a while is cheaper. Plus, where are you planning to live?

Yeah-chick: Yeah!

Meekone: Oh, well, I've been in contact with Apartments R' Us. They are working with me to find an apartment that has utilities included and a garage. Because, you know, I don't want to be overwhelmed with such things while studying.

Jealous-Psycho: You are gonna WHAT!? Yeah-chick, are you hearing this, Meekone is actually considering using A.R.U. to settle down in That City! That's insane. You can find a perfectly acceptable place on your own and save a few bucks. And listen, Meekone, I want to tell you this from the bottom of my heart, one day you are going to be a doctor. I mean it, one day you are going to be someones doctor. Don't you think it's time to learn to pay utility bills?

Seriously, Jealous-psycho actually kept repeating the last two sentences (LOUDLY) as if it was the most clever thing she had ever come up with. As she was a public policy major, it may as well have been. But seriously, what gave her the right to berate and criticize every well-meaning decision Meekone was making? Why did she have to assume money was an issue? Hell, Meekone's parents might be loaded and providing the goods, Jealous-psycho much?

Like I said, I hate listening to undergrads. But in this one instance, upon hearing "seriously, you are going to be someones doctor one day" too many times, I had to put my phone away and stank-eye-glare at this Jealous-psycho in disgust.

Crazy Talk

This morning on the Kane Show they were discussing talking to oneself. As in, telling yourself things, not thinking in your head, actually speaking aloud. Apparently many people find it therapeutic or helpful in decision making. I can't say that I identify with any of these aspects except for maybe one, mentioned by a listener calling in, rehearsal. Yes, like practicing what I'm going to say. Particularly, when faced with a difficult discussion. I thought it was funny that the caller referenced rehearsing a break-up speech, complete with imaginary inquiries from the hypothetical victim and pre-planned retorts to such responses. Genius, unless the victim is far more expressive than originally anticipated during rehearsal. Anyways, I've found myself having these imaginary discussions particularly when driving to an interview. Usually I imagine the trickier questions like "How would you get your livestock across the river?" and "What can you contribute to our company?" You know the stuff that makes your pulse quicken and face flush if you've never considered the answers before. I make it my mission during that car ride to think of the most off-the-wall-intimidating questions possible. Of course, usually the interview questions are generic and uninspiring so I find myself at ease that they haven't asked what inanimate object I would eat to get this job. Phew! Other than interview prep I prefer to have my many-many conversations with myself in my head. Otherwise it would look like crazy talk cause let me tell you my inner dialogue is almost always shouting about something.

Why is it so cold out?

I'm so tired of hearing weather reports for this week in the 40s with possible sleet. Are we not entering April this week? I hope this isn't one of those years where we go from coats to sweat-stains in one fell swoop. Those years ruin spring fever and are not fair. We don't get to enjoy the transition of wearing light longsleeved shirts, capris, or trench coats. I prefer when Spring is a season actually defined by its mild weather (59-69.5 degrees, low humidity, and very occasional showers). I fear we may again be robbed of this occasion again this year. Boooo Fatherwinter and Summerlady for being such attention seekers. Not to mention boo to them for probably ruining the odds of seeing any Cherry Blossoms in the nations capital this weekend. They bloomed last Tuesday and our craptastic weather this week will likely make it so that I miss their awesomeness, again. When I went last year all that was to be seen in that vicinity consisted of Manga crazed-slash-costumed crowd making ornaments, purchasing swords, and eating pocky. And while this mass display of people made for a creatively disturbing drag show, this was not what I traveled into the city for. Ughhh! I want to see the blossoms!!

Beware of these next year!

There's a candy bowl in my office that I have mentally blocked from vision for fear that I might empty its entire contents on impulse. Today, one such impulse came over me as I noticed the silver wrappings of three musketeer minis in said bowl. I resolved to eat just one and upon closer inspection I found that these candies were cherry and dark chocolate flavored for Valentine's day. Obviously, we are well into March so these candies were someone's discarded leftovers from last month. I generally dislike fruit flavored chocolates (excepting Ghirardelli Raspberry squares) but against my better judgement I tried one anyways. I don't know how I expected it to taste but I finally understood why they had remained untouched since Valentine's Day. It was reminiscent of the nastier cherry flavored children's medications of the 90s (I've heard that they've since improved these medicinal flavors). Its like the pharmaceutical companies discarded their bad recipes and Mars found them and thought chocolate could fix them. It was that bad, I think you understand my point. If not, surely you'll understand this illustration. I actually had to eat a tootsie roll to cleanse my palette...who even likes tootsie rolls?! Now that we are on the same page, please study this picture to know what to avoid next February 14th.


Don't be fooled by the silver wrapper!

Iphone clock sucks!

So all my efforts to fix my iphone clock last week failed. Miraculously my alarms worked fine over the weekend. But then as soon as timeliness became important (ie because of work) my alarms reverted to their one hour too early syndrome. I actually set a real old school alarm clock last night. And of course I slept a full extra hour through the monotonous drone of my morning radio alarm... With plan A (manual fixes) and B (traditional radio-alarm clock) failing, I have now resorted to outside help. No, I refuse to call AT&T support, they always say the same thing, to "update your operating system with itunes." Do they have any idea how long that process takes. Okay, you can leave your phone plugged in for an hour or more, but what if you receive a call or need to check something. I can't be restricted from access to my phone for more than 30 minutes! So, in comes plan C, a third party alarm clock app. I choose Alarm Clock Pro because it cost .99 cents. There were free ones, but somehow I rationalized that one dollar somehow must secure the success of this plan. Wish me luck!

Plan B (shown above) failed.

It's time to live life late!

Last night was like most weeknights. I yoga'ed, ate, showered, read, and Hulu'ed until sleep. Also unfortunately, last night I came to a mental crossroads, as I lay in my bed waiting for sleep, I realized that I had a lot of stuff to prepare before leaving for work tomorrow (lunch, laundry bag, dishes, generally organizing of weekend attire). I could go to sleep (because I was sooo ready to) or I could find an ounce of energy to leap up and attempt some of these chores now, to lessen the load for tomorrow morning. Ordinarily at this point I'd say screw it all and fall asleep; but last night was the exception. I popped up, put the 11:30p episode of HIMYM on and started all the tasks that would have no doubt made me late for work the next day. And I was on a roll, finishing everything, down to chopping the fruit for my morning salad :) My room was clean and everything was practically packed for the weekend and I lay in bed proud of my decision and waiting for the sleep to wash over me again. And it didn't. I tossed and turned looking for a semblance of the sleep I had felt earlier that night and, absolutely nada! WTH, its like the very acts of preparation and CHORES (!!) energized me. Well, never again, preparation is insulting, which is why I resolve to live late. I shared this revelation earlier with my friend who was like "What do you mean by live late? Like, wake late, stay up late?" No dear friend, I mean like living perpetually unprepared and therefore always running late. Because the one day I decide to be responsible is the day I can't sleep, unacceptable. I've learned my lesson.



I bet you are wondering how this night ends? No? Too bad. So I eventually lightly drift in and out of (incomplete) sleep all night until, my alarm goes off at 5AM. What the fudgecakes?! Oh yea, I forgot to inform you. Since daylight savings time hit on Sunday morning, my iPhone has been waking me at criminal hours of the morning. I don't understand the specifics of the issue and I've been on Apple forums all week trying to fix it in vain. But it appears as though my iPhone states the correct time, but the "internal clock" (in cahoots with the alarm clock) fell back an hour instead of springing forward. So instead of my iPhone alarm sounding at 7am or even 6am, it decides 5am would be more entertaining. So instead of losing an hour of sleep, I've lost 15 (3 hours/night x 5 days). So suffices to say my sleep all week has been interupted and crappy, help!




This will be me from now on...

Back to Bikram tonight!

I sort of fell off my Bikram roll this weekend. Tonight I will reprise that good habit from underneath a load of bad ones (naps, food, worries, food, naps). Needless to say anxiety has been winning this battle, until tonight!! :)

Time to drink my weight in water in preparation (boo, that was one of my many excuses last night for staying home) for tonight's yoga.

Disturbed

I watched almost a full episode of Skins on MTV last night and I am truly appalled. I had seen many controversial-looking commercials for this show and I never once found the hype compelling enough to tune in. Let's be honest I rarely tune in to even the shows I love when they air. I watch practically everything the day after on hulu. So, I never and still will never find Skins as Hulu worthy. But last night, sans Internet, I was left to entertain myself with cable and landed on MTV's Skins. While I'm sure their assessment on the frequency of sex and partying found in high school is probably near accurate for a small population of high school students somewhere, I was left to identify with the young teacher (because I'm 23 and all the high school actors look 12, unlike Glee). I'm not sure what her deal is but she appears messed up. She's supposedly 23 with no adult social life and interacts with her students as if she were their classmate. She has a pseudo intimate relationship with her student. Whoa way creepy and sad. That's all I got from the show and I will never again watch another episode because it was disturbing not entertaining, unlike Degrassi and Glee (judge me if you must).

What the hell was that?

What the hell was that downtown yesterday? I have never been so unsuccessful in navigating home. Looked like some St. Patty's Run blocked all my familiar streets home. Ugh! I know this is no excuse, but it completely frustrated and discouraged me from attending Bikram yesterday. Not to mention I was already on edge because of our lost hour of sleep Saturday night. Today, the crankiness continues and I am on my second cup of joe for the day.

Funk

Last night I watched the second to last episode of Glee season 1 regarding funk. The Glee team's rival plays cruel pranks that psyches them out and puts them in a funk before a competition, or something like that. Anyways, I was completely identifying with this theme of funk. I'm amidst one of my own and my funk is threefold, but I will only discuss 2 parts. One) I am in complete sympathy mode for my friend with the broken leg and I can't stop thinking about what this shocking development could be doing to her emotionally. Two) I am also finishing a novel about a twenty-something year old who is coping with the death of a parent and many other unfortunate events surrounding her transition into adulthood. I have sort of dragged myself into the world of this character and now I can see no way out but to finish the novel, tonight. This is why I hated summer reading lists from the 5th - 11th grades. They always contained some life lessons to teach us about survival and most often included death, doom, and gloom. Which I would avidly prefer to avoid in books. As I have the tendency to get wrapped up in the doom and live too vicariously through the afflicted characters' doom. Unfortunately, I let this novel slide past my radar. Third) Nope I don't want to talk about it, uh-uh no-way. Lets just say I have a lot on my mind.

Yoga tonight at 6, I may not be able to keep it together emotionally, but physically and mentally (forgetting everything exists) I plan to R.O.

Great my cover was blown...

My boss noticed my odd jittery erratic movements and I had to explain the effect of today's sugar OD. At least now they know not to buy a sugar laden death trap when my birthday comes around...

I should have known better...

This always happens to me. When I forget the consequences of a particular action and do something despite my nagging suspicion that it will end badly. Today's such misstep is eating sugar. These are the events that led to my demise. I decided to triple snooze this morning and in my late and hurried frenzy to get to work I forgot to pack my original quaker instant oatmeal packets for breakfast. Before I realized my error I was greeted this morning with a chocolate covered yellow cake meant for my boss' birthday. I knew sugar for breakfast was a bad idea, sugar for anything is usually a bad idea, especially for me. I know this because in a blitzkrieg of birthdays at my last job an overdose of sugary frosting left me jittery, twitchy, hyper, paranoid, anxious, and overall unpleasant. I ate the cake, knowing the risks and surprisingly felt no different than if I had eaten my originally planned and forgotten oatmeal. Maybe my tolerance for sugar has changed such that I can eating whatever I like? The day continued smoothly through lunch. And then, our office had a scheduled fun bonding activity. And it was. It was a three part charade contest including taboo, one word only taboo, and then a charades style finale. All great entertaining fun, with a fruit platter, soda, water, and COOKIES. I wasn't hungry so I resolved to touch nothing but the water and I drank 2 whole bottles throughout the process. A while later sitting at my desk I began to think about the cookies. I didn't even allow myself a second glance at the cookies so I wondered what flavors were there. I then decided to go find the leftover cookie platter, just, you know to scope it out. I then decided to have only one cookie, only chocolate chip, if it existed. I found the platter nearly untouched and observed a lot of oatmeal raisin, ewww. And then I saw some containing toffee and, is that?, CHOCOLATE CHIPS! I don't even know if I've ever seen such a great combination of cookie before, so I took 2. And ate them in 5, no, 2 minutes. Damnit. I had a plan! It is at this moment that I write this that I am recalling my fears from earlier this morning, as they come to fruition. DAMNIT. I have officially O.D.ed on sugar today and now want to run in circles and curse the day toffee chocolate chip existed. I hope tonight's Bikram class winds me down and combats this evil I have knowingly invited into my bloodstream.

Here's some math, 2 water bottle + 2 cookies = X

I wish the answer were zero, in which they would cancel each other out and I could relax at this very moment. But the answer is more likely: S.O.L. Bitch! I know sugar makes no sense, not like math.

It must be said...

It must be said. I'm overwhelmed with concern for my friend.

That is my random net outburst of the day. That is all.

Last night I dreamed....

Last night I had some very disturbing scenes in my dream. I was home, well not my current apartment, or even my parent's home. It was my childhood townhouse. I will try to relay the events of my dream as accurately as possible.

First, I was laying in bed and my iPhone alerted me to something. It was adding a weather emergency app on its own. I didn't prompt it to download that app, but I reasoned that maybe something so pivotal was occurring the the government sanctioned some automatic download of an emergency app to all smartphones. All very unlikely in reality, but maybe this was a future cast dream.

Anyways, when the app downloaded, I checked it to see a message like: Weather emergency warning for the following areas...St. Mary's county, Prince Georges county, MONTGOMERY COUNTY (like that, all CAPS in my dream).... The emergency called for violent storms with tornado potential. In my house was my Mom, Dad, Sister, and some other female relative with her son (probably from my dad's side, maybe even straight from El Salvador because I don't think they spoke English). But I have no idea who they were. At first I was all panicky and wanted my family to sleep in the basement. But my family suggested that the tornado was unlikely. So I looked outside and saw some curvy thin funnels moving unpredictably and snow (it was also a blizzard) in the distance. We then went to a room in the middle of the house, because my dad suggested it was safest to lie in a bathtub. I'm not even sure why there was a bathtub in the middle of this half-constructed room/how could we all even begin to fit into a tub together. Then I took another peak at my new Emergency App and realized that MONTGOMERY was in all caps, as if to suggest we were in greater danger. I took another look outside and the funnels were getting closer to my house and the snow was thicker. So I somehow convinced everyone that we should be in the basement away from windows. Everyone followed and my last memories were of rapid whirling debris and snow from the little high set basement windows. At some point I thought my house had been picked up from the ground and I was figuring out the best way to brace for impact when...a loud noise woke me up (forreal). I looked out my door and saw the lock chain swinging. My cousin had just left for her 8:30 am exam. Phew, just a dream. A scary death defying dream, I hate those.

One man down

http://minoosyoga.blogspot.com/2011/03/home-stretch-with-company-and-sniffly.html



So, remember my amazing friend from the above posting. Yesterday afternoon her amazing abilities were in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was slide tackled in a soccer class and it caused her fibula/tibia to endure a displaced comminuted fracture (basically she needs surgery to put the pieces together and I love to google medical terms). WTF? Since when do we play competitively in P.E.? And furthermore, since when is slide tackling legal, recreationally or competitively? I don't even want to get into the brilliant teacher decision that decided to play a "friendly" game of boys vs. girls. But I will. There are several reasons why in hindsight this was the wrong type of game for even a friendly P.E. game. (My outraged coworker pointed most of these out to me) 1. Boys are naturally bigger and stronger than girls. I know we hate to admit it, but they just are genetically engineered to be as such. 2. Boys and girls approach casual sports differently. Girls can play a recreational sport just for the love of the game and to feel active regardless of the score. On the other hand boys cannot engage in a sports game without some unreasonable sense of competition. Even when they are playing a casual pick-up game in the park, their manhood (which they are competing to maintain) is ALWAYS on the line. And 3. Boys do not know when to quit. Have you ever watched guys engage in a sport. Regardless of the sport, its like man to man combat and they go all out until someone is made to shrink back. I guess when they play a sport (whether girls are included or not) this can be a hard switch to turn off. I hope this gym teacher eliminates this game setup from his future teaching outlines.



Ugh, I miss my friend now. She will likely be under supervision of her parents for a few weeks which means me, home, with no dinner date lol. I hope she has a smooth and speedy recovery. Also, my faith is a little shaken today. My injured friend is one of the sturdiest, most athletic people I know. If she could get so wrecked from a rec game, what hope is there for us mere mortals to remain injury-free? I guess I will stick to non-contact activities like yoga and jogging.

Negative thoughts from Wednesday

I always have sneaking suspicions on days when I am excited to do something that something will get in the way. Wednesday was the final day of the Bikram challenge and on the bus ride home before class my mind sort of seized up with several scenarios that could interfere with my intentions. I had a little cold but decided to not let it stop me. I imagined approaching my car to depart for class and finding my tire flat or a window busted in (not uncommon in my neighborhood). Then my thoughts turned to scarier events. I thought what if I get into a car crash or someone dies or my car is stolen... When I exited the bus to walk home my head was spinning with thoughts of demise and I realized that I might be mugged on my walk home. I scrupulously examined every person I passed, every street corner I turned, and every car that was near (you never know when you may be the victim of a drive by and my dark jacket could mistake me for a gangsta chick...maybe not.) So, you get the idea. I was so intent on arriving to yoga in one piece that I imagined every possible scenario-hurdle so that I might avoid every possible scenario-hurdle. Is this crazy? Maybe. But its just something that happens to my mind when I get too excited for something. It may have started back in the 2nd or 3rd grade....

My class was gearing up for a field trip to the Kennedy Center. I didn't know what that was but the teacher sent a note home asking parents to dress us fancy for the occasion, so I knew we must be visiting some sort of castle. So, excited to go to a castle and potentially meet a princess I convinced my mom to let me wear my most special looking dress and shoes and I went to school floating on fantasies of the day to come. I noticed it was a particularly gloomy winter day with drizzle as I rode the school bus that morning. When I got to school I looked around for our field trip shuttle bus and saw none. Maybe they were late? As I entered class, the teacher was setting up a morning assignment...What? We never do work before a field trip. And that is when she popped my dream bubble of castles and princesses. The supposed rain was unsafe for the shuttle buses so our field trip was canceled. That doesn't sound right? Drizzle stops a bus...then I shouldn't have been able to ride the school bus in. Unless school buses are magically impervious to the treachery that drizzle poses for shuttle buses. Something wasn't right. But oh well, I know I was supremely disappointed, and I can't be sure, but I likely went on an assignment strike and refused to participate the rest of the day. But I vividly remember the dissapointing feeling of having my field trip being ripped away from my reality.

So, in conclusion. As a result of this disappointment I experienced in grade school, I now make a habit of imagining every possible rainy event that could cancel out my fun. Healthy? No. Therapeutic? Still no. What is the point? I'm not sure.

Its here!

Today is the last day of my first Bikram Yoga challenge and I thought I would be more excited. You know, given, this is probably the best thing I've done since finishing college and becoming pseudo (because my car is still in my dad's name) independent. But my cold symptoms from yesterday have exploded overnight. I slept horribly, my nose feels horrible, my breathing and hearing are horrible, this cannot be an indicator of tonight's class. This will be one of those classes where I enter with no expectations of greatness and just hope to stay balanced.

On top of the ill feelings, I am kind of sad that this is the last class of the challenge and my intro month. Now I have to take responsibility, pay for my classes and set my own personal goals. No longer will I have a sticker chart to display my progress and that of my fellow classmates. I need to figure out my own incentive model and personal expectations if I am to continue a regular yoga practice with Bikram. I hope it goes well from here.

Home Stretch with Company and Sniffly

I'm in the homestretch of my first 30 day Bikram Challenge. Tomorrow's 7pm class will mark my success in the challenge. Unfortunately, I have been feeling a little head cold hanging out in the back of my throat and nasal passages. Last night's intensely hot studio appeared to aggravate it further. But I made it through and ran home to drink chicken noodle and vitamin C. I pray that the symptoms remain at bay until Thursday's rest.

Last night at Bikram, I brought my roommate and it was nice to have someone to discuss class on the ride home. It was her second class and she is already pretty awesome at most of the postures. She has always been extremely athletic (soccer, b-ball, football), so I guess her fitness is just so well rounded that most postures come naturally to her. I want to be her when I grow up.

Good LMAO moment last night...
Bikram teacher to my friend:"Great job on that posture, despite being a Redskins fan."