Friday, March 4, 2011

Negative thoughts from Wednesday

I always have sneaking suspicions on days when I am excited to do something that something will get in the way. Wednesday was the final day of the Bikram challenge and on the bus ride home before class my mind sort of seized up with several scenarios that could interfere with my intentions. I had a little cold but decided to not let it stop me. I imagined approaching my car to depart for class and finding my tire flat or a window busted in (not uncommon in my neighborhood). Then my thoughts turned to scarier events. I thought what if I get into a car crash or someone dies or my car is stolen... When I exited the bus to walk home my head was spinning with thoughts of demise and I realized that I might be mugged on my walk home. I scrupulously examined every person I passed, every street corner I turned, and every car that was near (you never know when you may be the victim of a drive by and my dark jacket could mistake me for a gangsta chick...maybe not.) So, you get the idea. I was so intent on arriving to yoga in one piece that I imagined every possible scenario-hurdle so that I might avoid every possible scenario-hurdle. Is this crazy? Maybe. But its just something that happens to my mind when I get too excited for something. It may have started back in the 2nd or 3rd grade....

My class was gearing up for a field trip to the Kennedy Center. I didn't know what that was but the teacher sent a note home asking parents to dress us fancy for the occasion, so I knew we must be visiting some sort of castle. So, excited to go to a castle and potentially meet a princess I convinced my mom to let me wear my most special looking dress and shoes and I went to school floating on fantasies of the day to come. I noticed it was a particularly gloomy winter day with drizzle as I rode the school bus that morning. When I got to school I looked around for our field trip shuttle bus and saw none. Maybe they were late? As I entered class, the teacher was setting up a morning assignment...What? We never do work before a field trip. And that is when she popped my dream bubble of castles and princesses. The supposed rain was unsafe for the shuttle buses so our field trip was canceled. That doesn't sound right? Drizzle stops a bus...then I shouldn't have been able to ride the school bus in. Unless school buses are magically impervious to the treachery that drizzle poses for shuttle buses. Something wasn't right. But oh well, I know I was supremely disappointed, and I can't be sure, but I likely went on an assignment strike and refused to participate the rest of the day. But I vividly remember the dissapointing feeling of having my field trip being ripped away from my reality.

So, in conclusion. As a result of this disappointment I experienced in grade school, I now make a habit of imagining every possible rainy event that could cancel out my fun. Healthy? No. Therapeutic? Still no. What is the point? I'm not sure.

No comments:

Post a Comment