Thursday, June 23, 2011

Updates, Revelations, and Changes

It has been a few weeks since I last posted on my yeast-free/dieting or other weight loss endeavours. I'm a little exhausted with the whole thing. No, I haven't completely given up or made many seriously unhealthy choices. I'm just craving more variety to my meals. I think the doubt began to stir a little this weekend.

I went on a mini-vacay to OC, MD. During which I gave myself full permission to enjoy any food (sugared, dairy, or not) I desired. It started off well enough with typical beach and boardwalk foods (hot dogs, mozzarella sticks, cheese fries, pizza, crab cakes, some drank, lemonade, coca-cola :), taffy, and a tub of caramel corn). I thoroughly enjoyed it all and left with no regrets. But then I came home late Sunday and felt horrible. It was on a strange level too. I had pardoned all my food choices mentally, but I had not expected so much backlash from my body physically. I wasn't sick to my stomach but my body did not feel happy.

I resumed healthy eating Monday but it was a slow recovery. And I had a small relapse Tuesday night when a friend suggested we check out a new Caribbean Vegan restaurant. I had BBQ 'ribs' cabbage and mac n' 'cheese'. I don't know if it was the sugar laden homemade BBQ sauce or the mac pasta but I felt my body in revolt again. It also didn't help that later that night when in an uncomfortable conversation I reached for a few pieces chocolate and too many kettle chips. I wasn't even sure why I did that. It was like I thought 'well I feel like crap already so a little more junk can't hurt at this point.' Oh but it did. The best way to describe this type of "sickness" is exhausted, dizzy, feverish, unfocused, and not good. I couldn't wait to hit the sack so that I could feel like the reset button was pressed the next morning.

So, this week's episode has proven that my current 'healthy' regiment is good for me and thus bad choices are poison and to be avoided at all costs, right? Not really. Remember, up above I was trying to explain how my doubt has begun to stir?... So, really this week has taught me that maybe I should slowly start incorporating "normal" foods into my diet within reason. For instance, a serving of brown rice, wheat bread, or whole grain pasta a few times a week. Now, I know for fact that dairy negatively affects my digestion; so maybe I will continue to strictly avoid (but not completely rule out) milk products like yogurt, cheese, and cream. And to be honest, I have found perfectly satisfying non-dairy replacements for all of these things anyways. This way, I will not be completely thrown off my sanity every time I indulge.

I think it is most important that I keep in mind that every body is unique in their needs and what makes them feel best. And just because a certain lifestyle appears helpful at first doesn't mean that I have to prescribe rigidly to that set of rules forever. I should be open to some healthy tweaks and variations where my body deems necessary (note to self: 'necessary' does not include late night milk chocolate and chips binges every night, no fun at all).

I guess this post is steering my usual ramblings into the land of dietary advice. But really it's about food discovery for myself. It's very hard to prescribe what will work for others when you can only attempt to understand what works for you and your own well being. (Ooo, deep) Maybe I will work on reflecting on foods that make me feel well, balanced, and sound of mind. It's starting to sound all holistic and hippie-dippie, but what is so wrong with taking the time to shut-up your thoughts and emotions to better hear what your body is saying. Meh, it's worth a try.

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